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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546520">Make Me Feel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlady2000/pseuds/Katlady2000'>Katlady2000</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Sex Toys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:48:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlady2000/pseuds/Katlady2000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for 2005 Secret Santa on VAMB.<br/>This was my request – <em>Would like - J/C Xmas story, NC-17, with the following things. Public singing comp, a lecherous barfly who's taking liberties with Kathryn's body, Chak to the rescue, mucho drunkenness from Janeway, (hence singing!) hot sex in an unusual position using some toys inc a glass vibrator!"</em> This was the result.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Make Me Feel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
The weather was milder than
usual for December and Chakotay relished the freedom of working
outdoors with his hands in the soil. He'd bought the cabin
just two months before and was leaving most of the indoor tasks until
he'd put his mark on the garden. Most of the land he
preferred to leave in its natural state, but he wanted some bedding
plants near the cabin to add a little colour to the place.  
</p><p>
He inhaled the fresh air and
closed his eyes, his lungs almost singing after seven years of
recycled air. He sat back on his heels and looked around him. His new home was all he could have wished for, a rural setting yet
close to the city and his new job at the university there. It
was perfect. Almost.  
</p><p>
Between the gardening and
these thoughts, Kathryn wasn't far from his mind, and he wondered
what she was doing at this moment, if she was happy. She'd
left Starfleet and left him. Just walked away. She'd
left them all and there was nothing he could do about it.  
</p><p>
His thoughts were interrupted
when he saw someone walking on the path that ran along the lower
boundary of his land. At first he paid little heed to the
person as some of the locals often walked their dogs on that route. He went back to work for a moment until he looked up again and saw
the stranger walking up his long driveway. </p><p>
Chakotay looked briefly at his
visitor as they approached and saw that it was a woman.  His faint interest was fuelled as she drew nearer, and his eyes
widened.  
</p><p>
Phoebe Janeway recognized the
look. She'd seen it so many times living in her sister's
shadow. She was well used to being mistaken for her. She
smiled softly as Chakotay stood up to greet her, liking the fact that
the man had good manners.  
</p><p>
Chakotay frowned slightly as
he wiped his hands on his jeans. "You're Kathryn's
sister. Sorry. I thought…"  
</p><p>
Phoebe smiled softly. "Yes, a lot of people do. I'm flattered actually." </p><p>
She saw his frown deepen,
worried now. "Is Kathryn all right?"  
</p><p>
"She's fine. There's
nothing…" She stopped. "Well, obviously I'm here
for a reason so there's something but… What I mean is she's
not sick…hasn't had an accident." She saw the relief on
his face but some worry remained.  
</p><p>
He moved a little closer. "But something's wrong."  
</p><p>
Phoebe nodded. "Yes."
 
</p>
<hr/><p>
Phoebe sat at Chakotay's
kitchen table and looked around her. Despite never having been
in this house before, she felt instantly at home. She smiled at
Chakotay as he set a cup of tea down before her.  
</p><p>
"Sorry I don't have any
coffee. I haven't been too good at keeping my kitchen well
stocked."  
</p><p>
Phoebe took the tea and shook
her head. "This is perfect. Believe it or not, it's
only Kathryn who drinks coffee. I've never been a fan."  
</p><p>
Chakotay laughed at that. "That surprises me. I had the impression it was a Janeway
family tradition."  
</p><p>
She shook her head. "No. That addiction is all Kathryn's."  
</p><p>
They settled into a silence as
they both drank, but Phoebe could sense Chakotay's underlying
worry. She put her cup down on a coaster and sighed. "I'll get straight to the reason for my visit."  
</p><p>
Chakotay sighed. "Please."  
</p><p>
She played with her cup. "This isn't easy, but I feel I have no other choice. I had
to come and see you."  
</p><p>
Chakotay watched her closely. "You said there was nothing wrong, but I can see you're really
worried. Just tell me why you're here."  
</p><p>
Phoebe cleared her throat. "OK. Here goes." She drew in a deep breath and looked
at the man beside her. "I'm worried about Kathryn. I'm very worried." She saw that mirrored on the face before
her, but he stayed quiet for her to finish.  
</p><p>
"She's not sick, as I
said, but I'm worried she will be if she keeps going as she is." She sighed and took the plunge. "My sister has been drinking
a lot. The past few weeks have been the worst and now with
Christmas here…" She shrugged. "I think this time
of year makes many people depressed. They remember what they've
lost even more."  
</p><p>
Chakotay's grip tightened on
his cup. "Go on."  
</p><p>
Phoebe saw him holding himself
together until she'd finished. She nodded slowly, knowing she
needed to be totally honest with this man. "Many nights she
doesn't come home, and …" She sighed again. "I
don't want to think about where she spends her nights." She
met Chakotay's eyes, worried about what she'd see there.  
</p><p>
He just looked sad. "Or
with whom." There was no recrimination there.  
</p><p>
Phoebe nodded and looked
slightly embarrassed. "Maybe..." </p><p>
Chakotay reached over and
patted her hand. "It's OK. I've heard the gossip
and seen her on the society vids. They mention her from time to
time, although not lately."  
</p><p>
Phoebe felt the need to defend
her sister. "Chakotay, whatever men there are…they mean
nothing to her." She made a quick decision and jumped in. "There's only one man for her." She rubbed a hand over
her face. "God, she'll kill me for coming here and talking
to you like this." </p><p>
She stood up suddenly and
paced, looking even more like her older sister. Chakotay
couldn't help but be amused although he hid it well. She
stopped suddenly and looked straight into his eyes. "Look, I
don't know how serious you are about this Seven. I asked
Kathryn, but she refused to talk to me. She's badly hurt
though." She looked shocked at her own outburst.  
</p><p>
Chakotay smiled sadly at her,
putting her at her ease. He motioned for her to sit down, which
she did. He placed both his hands around his cup and sat
forward. "There is no Seven. Not with me anyway. There never really was, but Kathryn left before I could tell her." 

</p><p>
Phoebe seemed shocked at that
at first, but then accepted it. "You didn't try and talk to
her?"  
</p><p>
He shrugged. "I tried,
but she avoided me and we had debriefings and…" He nodded
slowly and sighed. "And I could have tried a lot harder."  
</p><p>
Phoebe just sat back and let
him talk. "At first I just felt hurt and tried to tell myself
that as soon as everything was over, we'd be able to talk. That never happened though. She left before I got a chance to
see her." He sat back. "After that, I just felt
hurt. I began to hear stories about her dating this guy or
that. Then I saw her on the news vids, attending all kinds of
functions with a different man each time." He looked down at
his hands. "They haven't mentioned her for a while, so I
just let it go, assuming her love life was just fine."  
</p><p>
Phoebe digested that and sat
forward also. "Well, it's not. You certainly couldn't
call it a love life. In fact, you couldn't even call it a
life."  
</p><p>
Chakotay looked at her sadly. "And you think I'm the answer? What makes you think she
still wants me?"  
</p><p>
Phoebe smiled softly. "Yes, I think you're the answer, and yes, I know she still wants
you. You have to trust my gut instinct and how well I know my
sister on that one." She sighed deeply. "Look, I've
seen Kathryn like this before. This is far worse though. That time before, after daddy and Justin were killed, I brought her
out of it with a bucket of cold water." She smiled sadly. "I threw it over her in bed."  
</p><p>
Chakotay laughed slightly at
that. "And lived to tell the tale?" </p><p>
Phoebe laughed with him, but
it faded quickly. Her sadness was still visible. "I'm
hoping you can be the bucket of cold water she needs this time. If you can't, I'm afraid we'll lose her completely."  
</p><p>
Chakotay shook his head
sadly. "You think she's depressed? You're that
worried about her?"  
</p><p>
Phoebe nodded firmly. "I
wouldn't be here otherwise." She locked eyes with him. "I guess my biggest question is do you still want her."  
</p><p>
Chakotay didn't need to
think about that. "Yes, I do. It's that simple." He glanced out the window a moment before looking back at Phoebe. "Look, I'd love nothing more than to have Kathryn in my life. I care about her deeply. Despite what you say though, Kathryn
may not want me in HER life. Don't get me wrong, but if she
wants to live the way she has been… What I mean is, she has
the right to be with or sleep with whoever she wants to. It's
her body and her life."  
</p><p>
Phoebe shook her head, her
eyes hard. "Yes, she has that right, but picking up
strangers? You know how dangerous that can be. Besides, I
think she's only living this way because she's lost herself."  
</p><p>
Chakotay studied his visitor a
moment and then seemed to make a decision. "OK, give me the
details. Tell me where I can find her if you can."  
</p><p>
She was ahead of him and
pulled a padd from her pocket. "I have everything here." She activated the padd, pointing to the first item. "Here's
her address. She was living with us until she retired…" She looked up at Chakotay. "You know she retired, rather than
take a break?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay nodded. "I
heard. I still can't believe she did that. I expected
her to take a long leave but not to walk away completely."  
</p><p>
Phoebe sighed. "I
couldn't believe it either. She shocked the hell out of me
with that one." She shrugged. "Anyway, she moved into
her own place recently. I think to get away from me." She smiled sadly. "I was nagging her too much."  
</p><p>
To hide her emotion, she
pointed to several other addresses. "I've been snooping. These are bars near where she lives. I guess so she doesn't
have far to fall home." Her voice cracked. "Sorry."
 
</p><p>
Chakotay gripped her hand. "Is it really that bad?"  
</p><p>
Phoebe regained control and
nodded. "I'm afraid so." He put the padd on the
table and looked across at him. "Chakotay, please don't
think badly of her. She's not really that kind of woman. She's just…lost...alone…"  
</p><p>
He squeezed her hand and
smiled. "I'd never think badly of her. I couldn't. I care too much."  
</p><p>
She watched his face
carefully. "You love her?"  
</p><p>
He nodded without hesitation. "Yes, Phoebe. I love her."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Chakotay walked Kathryn's
sister to the transporter station as dusk fell. She looked up
at him as they reached the entrance. "You'll let me know if
or when you find her?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay pulled her to him and
hugged her. "I'll let you know immediately." He
released her and smiled down at her.  
</p><p>
She tried to draw strength
from that. She turned to enter the station and then looked
back. "Chakotay, one more thing." She hesitated and
seemed to pick her words carefully. "Look, you may have to
fight her here. I think she's past knowing what's best for
her. Just…" She shrugged. </p><p>
Chakotay nodded his
understanding and smiled. "Oh, I'll fight her. Don't
worry. I have plenty of experience with that."  
</p><p>
Phoebe smiled her thanks. "Well, you have my full permission to use that cold water. Please. Whatever it takes."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Chakotay stopped back at his
home only long enough to change his clothes, so he could blend in for
his search. </p><p>
Phoebe Janeway's visit had
disturbed him more than he'd let on and he found himself deeply
worried about his former captain. As he finished dressing, he
looked towards the image of Kathryn he kept beside his bed. "You're not my captain anymore. You're not even a
Starfleet officer. I just hope you're still some of who I
remember."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
The sun had well set when
Chakotay reached the area of the city Phoebe had directed him to. He decided to check Kathryn's apartment first and smiled when he
saw that Phoebe had even noted her sister's entry code. He
found the place in darkness but knocked anyway. No one
answered.  
</p><p>
With that out of the way, he
checked the padd he'd been given and scrolled down through the
addresses of the bars where Kathryn might be. </p><p>
The round of bars proved to be
an education. Some were quiet, with only a few customers, while
others were noisy and overflowing, music blaring from them. The
clientele varied in each establishment, with many different kinds of
drinker there. They ranged from those just taking a brief break
from their lives in order to relax after a hard day before heading
home, to others denying the reality of life completely, trying to
lose themselves in the bottom of a bottle.  
</p><p>
Chakotay blended in with the
crowd in the casual clothes he wore. As he searched, he found
himself noting the slapdash décor of the bars and shook his head,
thinking how sad it was that many people preferred these places to
the comfort of their own homes. He realized then that the bars
provided the one thing probably missing from the homes of many of the
patrons. Human companionship.  
</p><p>
Finally, he'd exhausted the
bars Phoebe had named. He stood and looked around, noting
several others not listed. He slipped the padd into his pocket
and turned down a side street. Suddenly he heard singing from a
bar at the end of the street and stopped dead. He immediately
recognized Kathryn's voice and hurried towards it, her voice
leading him like a siren.  
</p><p>
He stopped at the entrance and
studied a crude, handmade sign pinned to the door. 'Tonight. Gala Singing Contest. Prizes.' He pushed his way
through the double doors and looked around. One look at the
patrons told him the singing stars of the day had nothing to fear.  
</p><p>
Kathryn's voice belted out,
not quite in tune, and Chakotay used a pillar to hide behind so he
could watch her without her seeing him. For the moment, it was
best that he stayed out of sight. </p><p>
He almost smiled as she
stumbled through her song. Kathryn Janeway had not been blessed
with a good singing voice, but no one in the bar seemed to care as
they watched her performance. Chakotay knew it wasn't her
singing they were interested in.  
</p><p>
He remained hidden and
observed her for some time, having ordered a drink from a side bar. His drink remained untouched but he knew he'd look out of place
without it. Kathryn meanwhile had finished her song and was now
going from table to table, chatting and laughing with different men
and the occasional woman. She also never had a glass out of her
hand.  
</p><p>
It hurt him to see her
behaviour, knocking back drinks and falling over herself and the men
who seemed to deliberately block her way. She also seemed
unaware or uncaring of their wandering and groping hands. They
encouraged her behaviour, supplying her with even more drink.  
</p><p>
Eventually Kathryn stumbled to
the bar, where the barman took a keen interest in her. He plied
her with more alcohol as he flattered her and danced attention on
her. Chakotay studied the man, knowing his kind only too well. Every other bar had one, an opportunist, in the job only for what he
could get out of it for himself. Chakotay had seen his type
many times, from the Alpha Quad to the Delta Quad. He sighed to
himself. "What is it with you and barkeeps, Kathryn?"  
</p><p>
He leaned his shoulder against
the pillar as he continued to watch Kathryn. He saw her lean
over the counter, flirting with the barman, her cleavage clearly
showing as the man whispered into her ear, his hand taking liberties
with her body. Kathryn showed no reaction to his attention. She threw her head back and laughed at something he said, not
noticing him refilling her glass.  
</p><p>
Chakotay glanced around the
bar and saw that several of the men were watching closely, but they
all stayed back, knowing the rules of the game. The one with
all the power here, the one who refilled their glasses, had staked
his claim.  
</p><p>
Kathryn tried to stand back
then and stumbled, the leech from behind the bar quickly coming to
the rescue and grabbing her, his hands brushing against her breasts
no accident as he steadied her. He handed her another shot and
continued to lavish attention on her.  
</p><p>
Chakotay had seen enough. He slipped into a comm booth and contacted Phoebe, her contact
details also having been on the padd. "I found her." He saw the relief on her face. "She wasn't at any of the
bars you listed so I tried a few more. I heard her before I saw
her. She was taking part in some kind of singing contest."  
</p><p>
Phoebe frowned. "Kathryn
can't sing."  
</p><p>
Chakotay almost smiled. "So I heard." He shook his head, serious again. "Sorry. Anyway, I found her. I'll take it from here. After what I've seen, this ends here tonight. I'll call you
tomorrow." Phoebe smiled her thanks and cut the connection.  
</p><p>
Chakotay returned to the bar
and looked around, his eyes searching for Kathryn. She was no
longer at the counter and neither was her 'companion'. Worried now, he approached the other barman and wasted no time on
preliminaries.  
</p><p>
"Where is she?" He
saw confusion on the other man's face. "The woman who was
here…the blue dress."  
</p><p>
The barman merely shrugged as
he polished a glass, more for something to do than out of necessity. Chakotay felt himself losing patience but retained a delicate outward
calm as the man just stared at him. His voice was hard when he
spoke. "You know who I mean. Where is she?"  
</p><p>
The man looked him up and
down, almost sneering. "Who are you? Her father?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay's calmness
disappeared as he slammed his glass down on the counter. "Where
is she, and where's your friend?"  
</p><p>
The barman stepped back a
little now, seeing Chakotay's rising anger. He knew enough
about people to know he'd pushed too far. Chakotay leaned
closer. "Shall I call Security and have them raid this dump? Maybe check your licence? There are enough drugs changing hands
in this place to stock a small hospital…on top of you breaking the
law by continuing to serve clearly intoxicated customers."  
</p><p>
The message got through. The barman pointed over his shoulder at a door. "All right. All right. Back there. Store room."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Chakotay entered the dimly lit
storeroom and gave his eyes a moment to adjust. Not taking any
chances, he slipped the old-fashioned bolt he saw on the door into
place. </p><p>
He moved forward silently,
hearing voices and rounded a corner. He stopped dead then,
taking in the scene before him.  
</p><p>
A very drunk Kathryn was
against the wall, with the leech pressed against her. Her
speech was slurred but Chakotay clearly heard her mumbled 'no'. He saw the man get rougher with her, one hand down the front of her
dress, the other between her legs, her skirt bunched up around her
hips. Kathryn weakly tried to push him away from her as he
exposed her breast and covered it with his mouth. When she
tried to move away from him, he pulled his hand from the front of her
dress and smacked her hard across the face. "Stay where you
are. Whores like you are all the same. I've well bought
your company all night. Now put out or I'll just take it." 

</p><p>
Chakotay stepped forward, his
hands in fists at his side. "The lady said 'no'.  
</p><p>
The leech barely turned his
head. "Wait your turn."  
</p><p>
Within a second, he was pulled
from Kathryn before Chakotay smashed his fist into the man's face. He never saw it coming before he was out cold on the floor.  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Feeling it was best to move
quickly, Chakotay crossed to a very confused Kathryn. He fixed
her clothes and saw that she wasn't exactly with it as she tried to
focus on him. He checked another door in the storeroom and to
his relief, found that it led to a back alley. He pulled
Kathryn against him and half dragged, half carried her out into the
alley. She didn't resist and just continued to look confused.
 
</p><p>
"Where…?" </p><p>
Chakotay drew in a deep
breath. "Home." He said no more.  
</p><p>
As they neared her apartment,
he noticed she was able to walk a little better, the fresh air
sobering her slightly. He opened her door, keying in her entry
code and saw her frown. "Yes. I know your entry code. Now inside."  
</p><p>
He pushed her in ahead of him
and ordered the lights on. He sought out the kitchen as Kathryn
followed him. She finally seemed to recognize him. "What
the hell are you doing here?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay turned to her,
staying calm. "Saving you from being raped, it looked like to
me."  
</p><p>
Kathryn turned away from him. "What are you talking about?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay moved in front of
her. "Do you even remember? I saw you tonight, Kathryn,
and I've heard about the way you've been acting of late."  
</p><p>
Kathryn glared at him, her
voice rising. "And this is your concern…how? It's
my business. It's my life. Fuck you."  
</p><p>
Chakotay began to lose his
temper as he stepped back from her. "Fuck you, Kathryn. But then that seems to be a popular sport around here, doesn't it? It must be disconcerting to come home with someone you know for a
change."  
</p><p>
Kathryn made a run at him,
attempting to slap him across the face but stumbled. Chakotay
looked at her sadly. "Look at yourself. You're too
drunk to even stand. That guy was about to rape you."  
</p><p>
Kathryn spit her words at
him. "I can handle myself."  
</p><p>
He laughed at that. "Really?" He let his anger take over again and raised his
voice. "That's not what I saw. He had one hand down
your dress and was sucking your tit." While he hated speaking
to her this way, he hoped his crudeness would get through to her. </p><p>
"His other hand was between
your legs and your skirt was up around your waist. You didn't
seem too willing, but you were too fucking drunk to do anything about
it. He smacked you across the face and you didn't even try to
fight back. If I hadn't stopped him, you'd have been on
your back in minutes, your knickers ripped off, and some stranger
between your legs fucking you." He prayed he was shocking
her, disgusting her with the image he created. He knew his
words would hurt but they needed to in order to get her to see what
she was doing to herself.  
</p><p>
Kathryn turned away from him
but he grabbed her by the shoulders and held her in place, determined
that she listen to him. "You were trying to say 'no' and
yet you were letting him because you couldn't or wouldn't stop
him. You put yourself in that position…no pun intended. Do you care that little about yourself?" He lowered his voice
slightly. "What happened to the woman who got her ship and
crew home…the one who had all those principles?"  
</p><p>
She wouldn't meet his eyes. She tried to pull away from him. "Leave me alone. Let
me go."  
</p><p>
Chakotay wasn't finished. "You're not that stupid, Kathryn. You know how dangerous
that behaviour is and what can happen to you. How many
strangers have you woken up with that you can't remember bringing
home?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn glared at him and
broke free of his hold. "Not as many as you seem to think."
 
</p><p>
Chakotay moved towards her. "Really? And what was tonight?" She had no answer to
that. Instead she moved away from him again but he stalked
her. "That bastard was right actually. On top of being
a candidate for alcoholic of the month, you were acting like a
whore."  
</p><p>
He saw her anger as she looked
up at him and spit her words out. She didn't even try and
defend herself. "So what. It's my life."  
</p><p>
He nodded angrily at that. "And you're making a hell of a mess of it." He rubbed at
his face. "Why, Kathryn? Is it to try and make yourself
feel better?"  
</p><p>
She rounded on him, close to
tears now. "No…it's to try and make myself feel…" She stared at him in shock, but the words were out and it was too
late to take them back. She lowered her head. "Just go
away. Maybe I'm making up for lost time. I'm living my life
the way I want."  
</p><p>
Chakotay stood his ground. "You call this living? I just called you a whore and you took
it." He stood looking down into her eyes and something just
snapped in him. "Is that what you want, Kathryn? Is
that what you really want? Is that where I went wrong all those
years?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn showed some hurt as
she looked up at him, but she swallowed it. "Get out."  
</p><p>
Chakotay ignored that. He moved a little closer. "Should I treat you the same way?" He ran a finger down her cheek. "OK…if you want to act like
a whore, I'll treat you like one. It seems to be the only
language you understand these days where men are concerned."  
</p><p>
Kathryn felt her emotions
jumble together. She was torn between anger and hurt. "What would you know? You weren't around. You didn't
want me and why would you. You had your blond, half my age. Fuck you."  
</p><p>
Chakotay grew angry again. "You keep saying that, Kathryn. Do you want me to fuck you
and claim you?" He grabbed her tightly. "Maybe I can
fuck you sober. You say you want to feel something. I'll
give you something to feel."  
</p><p>
He pushed her against the
counter and kissed her hard, his hands moving from her shoulders to
her face to hold her in place. He had no intentions of going
any further and just wanted to make some kind of point. That
changed though when Kathryn suddenly began to respond to him. Her arms came up around his neck, pulling him to her. He yelped
when she bit angrily at his lip. </p><p>
He pulled back and looked down
at her and felt himself falling into her eyes. Time fell away
as he stared into the blue depths. "Are you sure about this,
Kathryn? Because if I once start on you, what I do to you will
forever live in your memory…drunk or not. I'll make you
feel."  
</p><p>
Kathryn was breathing hard as
she pulled at him, her eyes on his lips. "Oh God, yes…make
me feel. Make me feel alive again." Her words and how
she said them ignited something in Chakotay. While she was
drunk from alcohol, he felt just as drunk with lust. In the
back of his mind he knew it shouldn't be like this, that it wasn't
how he'd dreamed of their first time. None of that mattered
at the moment though, as his body made the decision for him.  
</p><p>
He kissed her hard again, his
hands sweeping up and down her body. He pulled back, his hands
going to the front of her dress. It didn't stand a chance as
he ripped it open, exposing her to his eyes. His desire went up
another notch as he tore open her bra, his eyes feasting on her
breasts. He glanced to the side and saw a bottle of syrup and
without knowing why, he grabbed it and poured it over her chest. </p><p>
Kathryn's reaction urged him
on as he spread the stickiness over her breasts then proceeded to
lick it off her. Her head fell back as the feelings surged
through her and she grabbed for the edge of the counter to hold
herself upright.  
</p><p>
Pure animal instinct took over
as Chakotay pulled her away from the counter and pushed her towards
the kitchen table. He grabbed a container of cooking oil on his
way and threw it into the table. With one arm, he cleared half
the table, cups and plates crashing to the floor. He lifted
Kathryn onto the wooden surface and pushed her skirt out of the way
before tearing away her panties, leaving the rest of her clothing
hanging from her body. He pressed her backwards and reached for
the oil, pouring it between her legs. </p><p>
Kathryn gasped at his actions,
her thoughts swirling. All she cared about though was what was
to come. </p><p>
Chakotay tossed the oil aside
and slipped his fingers through the slick liquid. Kathryn cried
out at the contact. She tried to reach for him but he was the
master tonight. He shoved her back again and onto her side, one
hand still between her legs. He pushed her legs up, placing her
in what resembled a sitting position, then raised her upper leg,
resting it on his shoulder. His body pressing against her legs
and the table held her in position and gave him full access to her.  
</p><p>
Kathryn gripped the edge of
the table as his hands worked magic on her. She felt him
spreading the oil all around and inside her. In her current
position, she couldn't move very much but the feelings his hands
evoked compensated for that.  
</p><p>
Chakotay pressed his fingers
into her tight heat, the oil easing their entrance. Each
movement Kathryn tried to make only encouraged him to push deeper. He felt himself rock hard in his pants and rubbed against the edge of
the table to ease himself. Kathryn's moans and groans weren't
helping.  
</p><p>
Another impulse overtook him
as his eyes settled on a glass object which one of Kathryn's
flailing hands had knocked over, one of the few things still
remaining on the table. A leer crossed his face as he
recognized an old-fashioned mortar and pestle. He grabbed for
the pestle and rubbed it against Kathryn's clit. She moaned
louder, squirming on the table now. He coated the pestle with
oil, running it the length of her before pressing it deeply into
her. </p><p>
Kathryn screamed out at the
delicious invasion and climaxed almost immediately. Chakotay
continued to thrust it in and out, words pouring from him. He
had no idea where they came from. "Do you like that? Is
this what it takes? Do you need to be fucked like this?" He carried on for another minute before discarding the pestle and
freeing himself. He lowered Kathryn's leg and rolled her onto
her back, spreading her legs around his waist. Unable to stand
it any longer, he pulled her towards him and impaled her on his
hardness.  
</p><p>
Kathryn screamed out again,
her fingers clawing at air. Her back arched as she felt the
onset of another orgasm. Chakotay increased his pace, pounding
her now as he worked towards his own release. With a roar, he
exploded within her, her orgasm triggering his own, then fell over
her, panting and sweating.  
</p><p>
He finally came to his senses
and raised himself from the table, his body slipping from hers. He looked down at Kathryn beneath him and saw that she'd passed
out. Remorse slammed into him for a moment as the realization
of his actions became clear. "Oh God…"  
</p><p>
Reality returned as he looked
around at the mess he'd created. Kathryn lay sprawled on the
table, her head to the side. Chakotay reached for the remains
of her dress and covered her. "I'm sorry."  
</p><p>
He pulled himself together and
slipped himself back into his pants. Not ready to face his
private post mortem just yet, he concentrated on the practicalities. He lifted Kathryn off the table and carried her into her bathroom. Feeling awkward about it, despite what they'd just done, he slipped
the remains of her clothes off and propped her against the wall while
he undressed himself. He activated the sonic shower and lifted
her into the cubicle, standing in himself to hold her up. A
water shower would have been far more welcome but he didn't want to
wake Kathryn.  
</p><p>
When they were both clean, he
carried her into the bedroom and lay her down on her bed. He
found her nightdress under her pillow and slipped it on her, then
placed her in bed and covered her.  
</p><p>
With that done, he replicated
a dressing gown for himself and set about returning Kathryn's
kitchen to its previous state. He crossed between smiling and
frowning as he worked, easing himself into his thoughts.  
</p><p>
Eventually the apartment was
back to normal. Kathryn's clothing was ruined but he was able
to clean up his own. Finally, he padded back into the bedroom
and pressed a hypo he'd replicated to her neck. She murmured
in her sleep but didn't wake. He knew she'd have one hell
of a hangover in the morning without something. He then pulled
a chair up beside the bed, sat back and watched a sleeping Kathryn.  
</p><p>
He gave free rein to his
thoughts now. He debated leaving, asking himself would he leave
a note or not, then wondered how Kathryn would react if he stayed. His thoughts went around and around, yet he knew he'd stay until
morning, wait and face her when she was sober.  </p><p>
He feared how she'd react. Would she throw him out or at least listen to him and the apologies
she deserved? He ran a hand through his hair, believing he'd
ruined things between them, betrayed Phoebe's trust in him, and
abused Kathryn's too. Eventually towards dawn he fell asleep
in the chair, the light still on.  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Chakotay woke the next
morning, not sure where he was or what had woken him. He sat up
stiffly and rubbed at his eyes. When he managed to focus,
Kathryn was lying there staring at him, her expression unreadable. He straightened up slowly. "Kathryn, let me explain…"  
</p><p>
She stared at him a moment
longer and then sat up, something she immediately regretted. Her hands went to her head. "Oh God…"  
</p><p>
Chakotay sat forward. "Take it easy. That must be some hangover."  
</p><p>
Kathryn nodded slowly. "It's not as bad as usual." She looked deeply embarrassed
at that.  
</p><p>
Chakotay just smiled kindly. "I gave you a hypo last night but I guess it wasn't strong
enough. Hang on. I'll get another." He stood up
and moved towards the door.  
</p><p>
Kathryn called after him. "Some water please." </p><p>
He smiled back at her and
nodded. "One hypo and one cold glass of water coming up." </p><p>
Kathryn didn't return his
smile and just eyed him warily.  
</p>
<hr/><p>
When Chakotay returned,
Kathryn was sitting out on the side of the bed, a dressing gown
around her shoulders. She nodded her thanks for the water and
allowed him to administer the hypo. He saw it begin work almost
immediately. </p><p>
He sat back down and watched
her carefully, almost afraid to speak and not knowing where to start
anyway. Kathryn sipped at her water, as memories of the
previous night came back to her. Chakotay practically saw them
click into place. Finally, she met his eyes. "You
brought me home." He nodded but said nothing. "How
did you find me? How did you know where I lived? How did
you know my entry code?" Her questions came thick and fast.  
</p><p>
Chakotay sighed. She
deserved the truth. "You were too drunk to get home on your
own. As to your address and entry code, your sister came to see
me and she gave them to me. She also suggested where I might
find you."  
</p><p>
Kathryn looked livid. "My sister spoke to you about me? She had no right…no
business."  
</p><p>
Chakotay sat forward. "She loves you. She cares. And so do I."  
</p><p>
Kathryn's anger was replaced
with a cynical laughter. "Do you? Even after you've
seen the way I was last night?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay just looked sad at
that. "That's the past, I hope." He sat forward. "Kathryn, talk to me. Let me in."  
</p><p>
She placed her glass down on
the bedside locker. "Oh, I'd say you were pretty 'in'
last night."  
</p><p>
Chakotay looked horrified and
ashamed all at once. "Kathryn, I don't…" He
sighed heavily. "I need to apologize for last night. I
need to apologize for a lot of things. What I said to you…the
way I acted…what I did… I took advantage and…abused your
trust…your sister's trust and faith in me…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn stared hard at him. "Don't worry, Chakotay. It was consensual. I remember
enough of last night when we got back here to know I wanted what
happened. You've no worries there."  
</p><p>
He shook his head. "But
you weren't yourself…"  
</p><p>
She looked away a moment. "You can say it. I was drunk...very drunk." She met
his eyes. "I'm sorry too….that you saw me like that. Last night was… It got out of control. It was out of my
control. It's never been like that before. I put myself
in a bad situation and if you hadn't…" She met his eyes
briefly. "Thank you for that."  
</p><p>
Chakotay gave a small half
smile. "You're welcome."  
</p><p>
Kathryn barely nodded then
concentrated on her water. She took another drink. "You
said my sister came to see you? Talked to you about me?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay sat back and nodded. "She came to see me because she was worried about you. She
hoped I could help. She said you were drinking a lot…didn't
come home at night…that you'd moved out. She loves you. She was afraid for you. She told me…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn laughed sarcastically
at that. "I can imagine what she told you. My sister's
an artist. She has a flair for the dramatic. I know what she
thinks. By her reckoning, I get bombed every night, fall into
anyone's bed and let strangers screw me. Lovely. Nice
to know she thinks so highly of me. Well, it's not like
that.  </p><p>
Chakotay shook his head
sadly. "What is it like? Where do you go?  
</p><p>
Kathryn ran her finger around
the rim of the glass. "Some nights I simply walk and don't
drink at all, but yes, other nights, I just want to forget, so I
drink. A woman drinking alone is never alone for long though. I know the image I portray…so I'm never short of male company. Sometimes I welcome it…mostly not…and yes, sometimes, very
occasionally, I go home with someone." She looked at him, her
expression sad yet determined. "I spent seven years
practically living like a nun out there. Finally, the woman in
me was free. I have needs, Chakotay. Before the Delta
Quad I had an active and healthy sex life. I have physical
needs too." </p><p>
She shook her head and looked
across the room. "For the most part though, on the nights I
stay out, I check into a hotel…alone. I prefer it to coming
back here. Phoebe just assumes I get drunk every night and let
any man have me. Last night probably has you thinking the
same."  
</p><p>
Chakotay shook his head
sadly. "It's not my place to judge you, Kathryn. I
was just worried. You were pretty out of it and…  
</p><p>
She looked down at her feet,
sliding her feet in and out of her slippers. "Yes, I know. Last night was… I never get so drunk that I don't know
what's happening…until last night, that is. That's
scaring me. I've never had a blackout before."  
</p><p>
Chakotay let his concern
show. "What do you remember?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn shrugged. "Going
out…finding that bar…somewhere to get a drink. It sounded
alive…lots of people. Hearing the singing, the music… I know I got up…" She closed her eyes, mortified. "Oh
God, you heard that?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay smiled. "Yeah. It wasn't too bad. We left before knowing if you won
though." He grew serious again. "What else?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn looked down at her
hands. "Only parts of it. People talking to me…" She glanced at him. "Yes, mostly men… Being at the
bar…him…  It's a bit of a blur after that…well, a lot of a
blur. At the bar and after is mostly a blank, in fact…vague
snatches here and there…some room…him there…pawing at
me…someone pulling him off me… I don't know…bits of
walking or being half carried home… I remember being at the
door and you opening it…" She took another drink of water. "Everything else…in the kitchen… I remember all of that
but some of it is like someone else's memories. Does that
make sense?"  
</p><p>
She looked across at him and
saw his embarrassment and remorse. "Kathryn, I'm so sorry
for last night…."  
</p><p>
Kathryn sat forward. "Chakotay, I knew what I was doing, if that's what you're
worried about. I told you it was consensual. I was just
doing it without my usual inhibitions."<br/>
<br/>
He
didn't seem to accept that. "Kathryn, I practically raped
you…after what almost happened earlier…and I just…"  
</p><p>
She wasn't accepting that. "No, Chakotay. I wanted you. I don't regret that. If you walk out that door right this moment, I'll never regret
that. I was drunk, but not that drunk. I had no right
though…"  
</p><p>
He frowned at that. "No
right to what?"  
</p><p>
She looked down at her feet
again. "What about Seven?" She looked up and met his
eyes.  
</p><p>
Chakotay sat forward,
interlocking his fingers and placing his elbows on his knees. "I'm not with Seven anymore. Besides, it wasn't ever as
serious as you seem to think it was." He saw she didn't
quite believe him. "I'm serious, Kathryn. It's the
truth.  It was three or four casual dates.  Nothing else."  
</p><p>
She looked away and played
with the glass on the nightstand. "Is that why you're
here? I can't believe you're here for me…that you'd
want me…" She risked looking at him.  
</p><p>
His expression softened. "Kathryn, I've always wanted you. You just disappeared on
me before I got a chance to tell you that." He sighed. "As I pointed out to your sister though, I could have tried a lot
harder to talk to you. I just saw all those damn news vids and
told myself that you'd moved on. It seemed as if you were
avoiding me too."  
</p><p>
Kathryn nodded at that. "I was avoiding you, because I didn't want to see you with her." She shrugged. "Besides, you walked away."  
</p><p>
Chakotay countered that. "And you watched me walk away and let me. I'm not a mind
reader, Kathryn. We were home and you said nothing."  
</p><p>
She shook her head sadly. "Neither did you. And you were with Seven."  
</p><p>
He shook his head. "No. We broke up before we got home. Had you just asked…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn cut across him. "Had you just said…" She blew out a long breath. "Anyway, home wasn't what I thought it would be." She
shrugged, lost for a better explanation. </p><p>
Chakotay watched her sadly. "I thought you'd moved on."  
</p><p>
She sighed. "Moved
on?" She shook her head. "I tried. I couldn't. They were like holograms…meaningless and empty. I think that
was the attraction. No emotions involved. And drinking
just…"  
</p><p>
She sat back on the bed. "You and Phoebe are both wrong, you know. Yes, I drink, but
not every night. I'm really not an alcoholic and there hasn't
been a different man every night. The vast majority of those
hangers-on you saw on the news vids got a 'goodnight' and a
handshake on the doorstep."  
</p><p>
She leaned forward and began
playing with the glass again, something to occupy her hands. "Later on…well, yes…there were a few then. I'm not
proud of that, but I'm not going to be ashamed of it either. I was lonely. I can own up to that…and some nights…" She looked at him and saw that he understood.  
</p><p>
"I know. I've been
there, Kathryn. We all have. I'm not condemning or
accusing you."  
</p><p>
She nodded slowly, grateful
for his words. "Maybe." She shrugged. "The
drinking…well, it dulls it, numbs me.  I guess it takes the sharp
edges off the loneliness." She looked straight at him. "I'm no lush, Chakotay. Yes, I…what's the
term…'frequent bars'…but sometimes the walls can close in on
you and being with strangers is preferable to being alone. I'm not
in denial though. I drink because I want to…not need to. I guess though…if I'm honest…it's starting to get out of
control and I'm sorry you had to see me like that. Last night
was the first time I was like that…and it was also one hell of a
warning."  
</p><p>
Chakotay sighed. "Well,
I have my own regrets about last night. I just wanted to
help…and see you happy. That's what your sister wants too. However, you're nothing to apologize about. You don't owe
me or anyone else an explanation. It can just be damned
dangerous and I don't want to see you hurt or otherwise. For
myself though, I'm so sorry for the things I said to you. Nothing can undo how insulting I was with you. I had no right…"
 
</p><p>
Kathryn leaned forward and
held up a hand. "No, you were right about last night and
where this can go. You spoke the truth and the truth hurts, but
I needed to hear it. I guess you're the only one who could
make me listen. I certainly wasn't listening to my sister. At this point, you're probably the only one who could make me
hear." She smiled at the look on his face. "Oh, don't
look so shocked. I can occasionally admit when I'm wrong." 

</p><p>
Chakotay smiled also. "You should have bitten the head off me for the things I said to
you."  
</p><p>
She shook her head. "No…you said what you said because you cared and to get through
to me. I know that. To be honest…deep down…I knew my
behaviour was… And last night proved… Well, my
control over it is slipping. I need to get back that control. I just don't like the alternative.  
</p><p>
He sat forward and frowned. "Starfleet? I know you left…retired."  
</p><p>
She looked at him sadly. "Is it so hard to believe I'd had enough?" She shrugged. "And yet now…one extreme to the other…from so much order, every
minute filled and accounted for…to wandering aimlessly, no
routine. I blew it, Chakotay. Common sense should have
told me to take some time, ease back into my old life…well, life
back here. Instead, I jumped ship and let it all go. I
found myself, by my own doing, completely adrift, floating with no
direction. My own fault."  
</p><p>
Chakotay's smiled sadly at
her. "What do you want?  
</p><p>
She shrugged again. "I
don't know. Work I'll enjoy, a nice home…"  
</p><p>
He leaned forward. "A
family?"  
</p><p>
She managed a small smile, but
he saw the tears forming. "Yes. It's not too much to
ask, is it?"  
</p><p>
He reached for her hand and
stroked it. "No, Kathryn, it's not…and I'd like to help
you achieve that. I'd love to be a part of it…if you'd
let me."  
</p><p>
Kathryn laughed slightly. "I get the impression you took the first step last night."  
</p><p>
Chakotay smiled sheepishly as
he sat back. "And I get the impression you enjoyed it."  
</p><p>
Kathryn licked at her lips. "Maybe."  
</p><p>
Chakotay smiled softly. "That's what you get for bringing a stranger home with you."  
</p><p>
Kathryn looked at him sharply
but saw immediately that there was no malice in his words. She
smiled also. "Screw you."  
</p><p>
Chakotay laughed. "Screw
you? That's an improvement. Last night it was 'fuck
you'."  
</p><p>
Kathryn laughed too. "And you took me up on it." She drained her glass and stood
up quickly, intending to refill it. She groaned loudly and sat
back down. "And speaking of that, what did you do to me last
night?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay was immediately
concerned and leaned forward, one hand going to her knee. "Did
I hurt you? I'm sorry."  
</p><p>
Kathryn gave a pained laugh. "No, but it was obviously some workout. I just wish I could
remember it better…" She thought a moment, a look of deep
concentration on her face. "Although it is coming back to
me." She frowned and smiled at the same time as she looked at
him. "I seem to remember you using something…"  
</p><p>
Feeling safer now, Chakotay
smirked sheepishly. "I improvised. If I remember
correctly, it was…raspberry syrup…cooking oil…your glass
pestle…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn's eyes widened. "I won't be using that for its intended purpose again."  
</p><p>
Chakotay was feeling more and
more daring and confident. Matching her new mood, he took a
chance. "Guess I'll just have to replicate the real thing
then."  
</p><p>
Kathryn saw the risk he was
taking. She gave him a lopsided grin and bit at her lower lip. Chakotay's smile widened. "I can see that appeals to you." He rubbed his hand up and down her leg.  
</p><p>
Kathryn nodded. "You
have no idea." Suddenly she grew serious and looked down into
her lap. "God…I'm sorry. My behaviour. You
must think bad enough of me already."  
</p><p>
Chakotay raised his hand and
lifted her face so he could see her eyes. "Kathryn, I don't
think anything…"  
</p><p>
She pulled her head back. "I'm behaving like a slut again. You were right last
night." She shook her head. "That's not what any
man wants."  
</p><p>
Chakotay felt some anger
rise. "What THIS man wants is for you to be yourself with
me. With ME, Kathryn. I want you for who you are. I
just hope I'd be enough for you."  
</p><p>
Kathryn looked hurt at that. "Chakotay, despite what you may think of my recent behaviour, I've
never been unfaithful to any man."  
</p><p>
Chakotay looked horrified. "No…no…that's not what I meant. I just worry that I
wouldn't be good enough for you…that you deserve better. I'm an ex-terrorist and…"  
</p><p>
It was Kathryn's turn to get
angry. "Don't you dare put yourself down. You're
the finest and kindest man I've ever known. I wouldn't have
fallen in love with you otherwise…" She stopped at that
when she saw him grin widely. She smiled also. "Yeah. I love you. Like you didn't know."  
</p><p>
Chakotay slipped down onto his
knees on the floor in front of her. "It's wonderful to hear
it though. I love you too."  
</p><p>
Kathryn leaned forward and
brushed her lips across his forehead. She felt alive for the
first time in months. She also felt daring and confident now. "So then…would you care to show me what we did last night? Refresh my memory?"  
</p><p>
Chakotay took her hands in his
and kissed her fingers. "You want me to show you in the cold
light of day?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn was enjoying their new
playfulness. "If you think you'd be 'up' to it." She looked down at herself. "I'll need my shower first
though…" She looked up, suddenly realizing something. "Oh…how did I get…? I mean…"  
</p><p>
Chakotay smiled as he
remembered. "You passed out on the kitchen table." He
saw her shock. "And while I'd like to think it was my
performance, it was probably what you'd had to drink." He
laughed to ease any embarrassment she might feel. "I cleaned
you up…" He smirked. "Actually, I shared a sonic
shower with you. Then I put you to bed. I found your
nightdress under your pillow. I also used your replicator for
this." He indicated his dressing gown. "I'm afraid
your dress is a goner though."  
</p><p>
Kathryn blushed deep red and
closed her eyes. "God, you really saw me at my worst."  
</p><p>
He squeezed her hands. "Well, what I saw certainly wasn't your worst. In fact, I
thought it was damn good."  
</p><p>
She looked at him, her smile
to thank him for making this easier. </p><p>
He smiled back. "Kathryn, don't ever be embarrassed with me. Please. We've shared too much."  
</p><p>
She raised his hands to her
lips and kissed them. "Thank you." She dropped her
head to the side. "And thank you for last night too…all of
it."  
</p><p>
Chakotay stroked his fingers
over the back of her hands. "Sorry I wasn't better for
you. I wasn't at my best. It was over pretty quickly. I was tired so my performance was somewhat lacking…aside from the
fact that you got me too worked up."  
</p><p>
Kathryn's eyes widened
again. "You call that lacking? Would I survive more?"
 
</p><p>
He pretended to look smug. "Well, you may have trouble walking for a while." </p><p>
Kathryn laughed at that. "You're that sure of yourself?"  
</p><p>
He leaned forward and brushed
his lips to hers. "Do you want breakfast before or after?" 

</p><p>
Kathryn closed her eyes at the
feel of his lips on hers. "Oh, I think after. I'm not
known for my patience."  
</p><p>
He pulled back from her. "Go have your shower. I need to use your replicator." He saw her eyes darken with passion and his heart swelled. "Go
on now." He stood and pulled her to her feet. He
swatted her behind. "Make sure you wash behind your ears." 

</p><p>
Kathryn backed away towards
the bathroom. "Chakotay?" He frowned at the
vulnerable look on her face. "I am awake? This isn't
a dream?"  
</p><p>
He smiled lovingly at her. "You're awake, Kathryn…and this is real. Now go."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Kathryn soaped herself and let
the water stream down over her body. Her mind was clear now but
she still found it hard to believe what was happening. She
whispered to herself. "Let him be real. Let all this be
real."  
</p><p>
She didn't hear Chakotay
step into the shower behind her and jumped when she felt him press
his body to hers. His mouth nuzzled her ear. "I told
you it was real. Doesn't this feel real?" He slid his
hands around her and tweaked her nipples. Kathryn jumped and
caught her breath at the sensation. </p><p>
He stopped then. "Kathryn, before this goes any further." He gently turned
her head so he could look her in the eye. "I know last night
and all…but…are you sure about this? If you change your
mind or don't want to…"  
</p><p>
She stared back at him and
shook her head. "No, Chakotay. I was sure last night
and I'm even more sure now. I want this. I want you."
 
</p><p>
He read the sincerity in her
eyes and smiled lovingly. "All right."  
</p><p>
Satisfied, his hands moved
lower, one sliding straight down, the other moving around her back. His foot tapped against her ankle, silently asking her to spread her
legs. He stepped to the side then and moved his hands lower and
lower, until they met between her legs. From there he walked
his fingers back and forward over her.  
</p><p>
Kathryn dropped her forehead
against the tiles and moaned loudly. "This better be real."
 
</p><p>
He moved around behind her
again. He removed his hands as Kathryn moaned in protest. "Patience now." He raised her hands over her head and
placed them flat against the tiles. "Stay that way for me." He leaned his body against hers, pressing her against the shower wall
and she felt his erection against her. "Let me show you…give
you just a brief taste of what's to come…" He sucked her
earlobe as he whispered to her. "Just tell me if anything
upsets you or you don't want something."  
</p><p>
Kathryn had her head to the
side, her cheek against the cool tiles. "Nothing…not with
you…"  
</p><p>
Chakotay wanted to be sure
though. He ran his hands up and down her back then eased her
hips away from the wall, pressing her upper body against the wall. His foot nudged her feet further apart and he heard her moan once
again.  
</p><p>
"Just tell me…" His fingers played over her folds, leaving Kathryn wanting to
scream. She pressed her breasts against the wall, trying to
slide her nipples against the tile edgings and grouting in a vain
attempt to stimulate herself. </p><p>
"Oh God, Chakotay, please…."
 
</p><p>
He pulled his fingers away a
moment, leaving her almost crying. "Patience, honey. This is merely a research trip." With that he returned his
hands between her legs and pinched the small bundle of nerves hidden
there. </p><p>
Kathryn jumped and cried out. "Please…" She cried out again when he slid first one, and
then two fingers into her. She pushed back against him, trying
to ride his fingers but he pulled away, leaving her wanting to
scream.  
</p><p>
"One last thing…" Kathryn tensed then when she felt a finger press against her rear
entrance. She was about to tell him 'no' when he pressed
his little finger into her. The unexpected jolt of arousal
caught her completely unaware.  
</p><p>
"Oh…oh…" </p><p>
His mouth was back beside her
ear. "Tell me truthfully, Kathryn. Have you done this
before?"  
</p><p>
She shook her head as best she
could. "No…"  
</p><p>
He moved his finger slowly in
and out of her. "Does it hurt?"  
</p><p>
She found herself pushing back
onto him. "No…it's… Oh God…" Her rapid
breathing told him all he needed to know.  
</p><p>
He pulled his finger from her
and ran his hands over her bottom. "OK, honey. Finish
your shower. I'll be waiting outside for you."  
</p><p>
By the time she turned around,
he was gone. Kathryn never finished a shower faster in her
life.  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Kathryn stood in the bedroom
doorway and stared around the room in amazement. The curtains
were drawn, the morning light barely showing through them. Instead the room was lit by candles which burned on almost every
surface.  
</p><p>
Chakotay sat on the bed,
arranging some items on the bedside locker. He looked up and
smiled at Kathryn as she moved towards him, a towel held tightly
around her body. "Enjoy your shower?"  
</p><p>
He almost growled at him. "It could have been a lot better." </p><p>
Chakotay grinned at that. "All in good time." He appeared naked but a pillow covered
his lap. Kathryn leaned forward, trying to see beneath it.  
</p><p>
Chakotay pressed it against
himself. "Time for that later. This is about you
first."  
</p><p>
Kathryn stood there, suddenly
shy now. Chakotay sensed it and reached for her hand. "Kathryn, you know you can trust me. I'd never hurt you. If anything upsets you, we can stop at any time."  
</p><p>
She shook her head and smiled
down at him. "No. I've wanted this for so long. I just don't want to disappoint you again."  
</p><p>
Chakotay frowned. "What
do you mean?"  
</p><p>
She shrugged, clutching the
tower a little tighter. "Last night… It was hardly exciting
for you…a drunk and…"  
</p><p>
Chakotay stood up now, his
pillow falling to the floor, and pulled her to him. "Kathryn
Janeway, you were more than exciting last night. You could be
comatose and you'd excite me. Why do you think it all
happened so fast for me? I'm just worried I won't be able
to make it last for you this time."  
</p><p>
Kathryn leaned up and kissed
him. "I love you and you love me. Loving each other,
physically and emotionally, in any way, is what matters. This
isn't about anything else."  
</p><p>
He kissed her in return. "You're right…so let the loving begin." He turned and
pointed to the bed. "Lie down for me please. Face
down."  
</p><p>
Kathryn raised an eyebrow at
that. "You have this all planned?" She looked at the
objects on the nightstand and her eyes grew wide. "Oh…you
really do…" </p><p>
At that, Chakotay prised her
fingers from her towel and let it drop to the floor. "Yes, I
have. I'm going to show you what we didn't get around to
last night…and all the times I thought about this on Voyager…so
be prepared."  
</p><p>
Kathryn stepped back, letting
him get a full view of her, and in the process getting one of her
own. She nodded slowly and licked at her lips. "I can't
wait."  
</p><p>
Chakotay gently pushed her
into the bed. "Well, you'll have to. I'm going to
take my time."  
</p>
<hr/><p>
Kathryn lay on her stomach
with her eyes closed as Chakotay massaged the soothing oil into her
skin. He worked from her toes, up her legs, to the tops of her
thighs. He then worked on her hands, his fingers massaging up
her arms to her shoulders. </p><p>
As he worked on her shoulders,
neck and back, Kathryn murmured softly. "You'll have me
asleep."  
</p><p>
Chakotay chuckled. "That's OK. You'll wake up when I'm ready for you." His hands slipped through the oil up her neck and then into her hair,
his fingers massaging her scalp. </p><p>
Kathryn sighed deeply. "That feels so good."  
</p><p>
Chakotay pulled at her gently
and turned her over. "It's my pleasure."  
</p><p>
He began working on her front,
starting at her toes again and working his way up her legs. Kathryn squirmed as he neared her centre but he refused to go there. "I told you. Patience."  
</p><p>
Kathryn almost growled at
him. "Easy for you to say." She closed her eyes,
feeling herself getting lost in a dream like state as he worked over
her, hands and arms again, then onto her shoulders and neck. She sniffed the air as he spread more of the oil over her stomach
now. "That smells good."  
</p><p>
Chakotay grinned. "And it's
edible…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn managed to open her
eyes and saw his grin. "That sounds interesting… Oh
yes…" His hands had reached her breasts now, working in
diminishing circles. </p><p>
Chakotay pinched at her
nipples, causing Kathryn to arch her back. "It means I can
lick it off you afterwards." He worked down over her stomach
now and finally to where she wanted him most. He slipped his
fingers between her legs and out again, teasing her. "Easy,
Kathryn. This is supposed to relax you."  
</p><p>
She moaned loudly. "With
you doing that?" Her hands gripped the bedspread as he
tortured her. "Oh, please…"  
</p><p>
She felt him climb onto the
bed and sluggishly opened her eyes.  
</p><p>
"Well, seeing as you beg so
nicely." He reached for her ankles and jerked her legs open. </p><p>
The sudden movement made
Kathryn's breath catch in her throat. "Oh, God…yes…" 

</p><p>
Chakotay smirked at her. "Like it a bit rough, do we?"  
</p><p>
She grinned back at him. "I like it anyway you give it to me."  
</p><p>
He crawled up the bed between
her legs. "Careful what you wish for, Kathryn." With
no warning, he dropped himself down and devoured her, his mouth
working over her folds.  
</p><p>
Kathryn screamed out and
bucked against him. His fingers spread her open and he fed from
her, lapping and nipping at her as she continued to cry out. When the first climax slammed into her, she almost passed out.  
</p><p>
Kathryn lay panting before
him, her eyes half closed. Finally, she found the energy to
roll to the side. She reached for him, her hand closing around
his hardness. "Your turn." She sat up, intending to
go down on him as he had on her, but he gently pried her hand away
from him.  
</p><p>
"Later…or next time. I'm not finished with you yet." He pressed her onto her
back and kneeled up between her legs. He then began to lick the
oil from her body, suckling long and hard at her breasts, leaving
Kathryn gasping. Finally, he moved down her body. His
hand slipped between her folds and he pressed a finger inside her,
testing her readiness.  
</p><p>
Kathryn watched him lazily. "I'm more than ready for you after that." </p><p>
He smiled down at her as he
wriggled two fingers inside her. "So I see." He
withdrew his hand and kneeled up between her legs, then grabbed her
feet, pressing them under his arms. He then slowly leaned
forward, the movement pressing Kathryn's legs down and apart,
opening her wide to him. </p><p>
Kathryn stared up at him in
amazement. "Where did you learn that one?"  
</p><p>
He held her feet under his
armpits and smiled down at her. "Maquis tricks." He
pushed down a little more and using one hand, stroked his thickness
against her. Kathryn closed her eyes at the sensation and
mentally prepared herself for his penetration.  
</p><p>
She was almost bent double
when he began pressing into her. He played the tip of his
erection in and out in shallow thrusts for several minutes, driving
Kathryn insane with wanting. "Oh God, Chakotay…please…you're
killing me here…"  
</p><p>
He gripped her ankles
tightly. "You want more? Are you sure?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn panted as he worked
her. "Yes…yes…" And then she screamed as he
slammed himself deeply into her in one almost brutal thrust. Tears poured from her eyes as he pulled back and plunged in again,
his penetration deeper than anything she'd ever known. Her
head thrashed back and forth. "Oh God…so deep…"  
</p><p>
He stilled a moment. "Am
I hurting you?" </p><p>
She mumbled her answer. "Mmm…more…oh…"  
</p><p>
Reality ceased to exist for
Kathryn as Chakotay rode her, pulling out and slamming into her
repeatedly. She felt sure he'd split her in two and gripped
the bedding to try and hold herself in place but his grip on her
ankles held her to him. </p><p>
It built slowly until he
shifted himself, pulling her legs a little higher, changing the angle
of his penetration. What happened next slammed into Kathryn
like a shuttle. Her eyes flew open as he hit her G spot and she
screamed out in ecstasy as her second orgasm possessed her. Her
upper body lost all control as she thrashed against the bed, every
nerve ending in her body feeling as if it was on fire.  
</p><p>
She was vaguely aware of him
lowering her to the bed and pulling himself from her body. "You
didn't…you're still…"  
</p><p>
He grinned as he pulled her up
against him. "Let's just say I took out a little insurance
to make sure I gave you the time of your life." He laughed
when she frowned. "A harmless little hypo. It prolongs
things…gives me and nature a helping hand."  
</p><p>
Kathryn shook her head, still
trying to bring her breathing under control. "I'm not sure I can
keep up with you."  
</p><p>
He pulled her against him and
sat her on his lap. "Let's have fun finding out then." He sat on the edge of the bed and turned her on his lap, facing away
from him. "Ready for more?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn tried to turn but he
held her around the waist. He lifted her then. "Slip
your legs behind you…around my waist." Obediently, she did
as he asked. He stretched his legs out towards the floor and
pushed her down so her head was against his feet. "Turn your
face to the side and grip my ankles."  
</p><p>
Again Kathryn obeyed. "Another Maquis trick?"  
</p><p>
He stroked a hand over her
bottom. "You could say that. This way gives me full
access to you." He sat up a bit more and slid her down his
legs a little, brushing his glistening penis against her opening. </p><p>
Kathryn felt him against her
and drew in a deep breath. She moaned when she felt him slip
inside her, barely penetrating her. She groaned deeply as he
pulled her back up his legs, his penis slipping more deeply into
her. "Oh God…that feels so good…" She hung onto
his ankles and tried to push herself back against him but her arms
began to give way. Chakotay saw her predicament and gripped her
hips tightly. He pulled her against him, penetrating her fully
now and Kathryn cried out as he filled her.  
</p><p>
Chakotay took over then,
Kathryn incapable of helping him. He sat up a little more and
basically used her body to masturbate himself, although Kathryn was
getting plenty out of the experience too. She held on as he
slid her up and down his legs, her eyes closed as she savoured the
experience. </p><p>
And then her eyes snapped open
as she felt one hand leave her hip, only for a finger to press
against her anus. She took a deep breath and waited, but he
only pressed against her, without entering her. She knew he was
preparing her and went with it.  
</p><p>
Chakotay continued for another
minute or two before slowing, almost stopping. He gripped her
hips again, and with amazing strength, lifted his legs with her lying
on them, up onto the bed. </p><p>
Kathryn felt more comfortable
this way and was able to rest her arms on the bed. They were
still joined and she enjoyed the feeling of him embedded in her
body. He didn't move, but simply ran his hand over her
bottom, a finger pressing against her again. </p><p>
Kathryn waited as his hands
withdrew. She heard him fumbling for something on the locker
and gripped at his ankles again. She jumped when she felt
something cool and wet being applied to her. "What's
that?" </p><p>
He spread the lubricant over
her. "Something wonderful. Trust me." </p><p>
Kathryn nodded. "You
know I trust you." She tensed when something hard and cold
pressed against her anus. "Chakotay…"  
</p><p>
He pressed against her but
didn't penetrate her. "I'll stop if you want."  
</p><p>
She took a deep breath. "No…it's OK…I'll say if…" </p><p>
He continued to press against
her. "It's not your pestle. This is the real thing." He pressed a little harder. "Relax as much as you can." He withdrew the hard object and pressed his finger against her again,
barely entering her with it. He played with her this way for a
minute before going a little deeper, working her tight entrance. He then pressed a second finger inside her, scissoring them and
loosening her for him.  
</p><p>
Finally satisfied, he withdrew
his fingers and replaced them with the glass dildo. Kathryn
readied herself. "Go on…" The words were barely out
of her mouth when he pressed the curved glass shape into her body. She cried out, the feelings inside her totally unexpected. "Oh…oh…"  
</p><p>
Chakotay worked the dildo in
and out of her slowly, going a little more deeply each time. "You should feel so full." He pressed the glass in as far
as he could and then gripped her hips again, pulled her body against
his.  
</p><p>
Kathryn dug her hands into the
bedspread as he repeatedly pulled her against him, filling her
completely. She cried out as she felt the unset of yet another
orgasm. "Oh Chakotay…I'm…it's… Oh God…yes…" She felt her inner muscles clamp down on both him and the dildo as
the feelings tore through her. She ground her face against the
bed and continued to cry out as she felt him let go and roar his own
release, his fluid filling her.  
</p><p>
Kathryn barely had time to
recover before Chakotay was pulling her back up the bed. "Chakotay…no more…" </p><p>
He smiled down into her face. "I need a little time to recover. No reason for you not to
have some fun while we wait."  
</p><p>
He stood out of the bed and
pulled her towards him, her lower legs hanging off the bed. Kathryn wasn't physically able to object and let him position her
as he wanted. He raised her hips and slipped two pillows
beneath her. "Lie back, Kathryn. Let me take your body
to paradise."  
</p><p>
Kathryn licked at her lips,
her mouth dry. "Do I have a choice?"  
</p><p>
He laughed at that. "Always, but I know you'll love this. Just relax now and go
with the feelings."  
</p><p>
Too worn out to even move,
Kathryn surrendered herself to the man she loved. She knew her
hips were well raised off the bed and let her legs hang where he put
them. She felt him spread her now, pushing her thighs apart as
far as they'd go. </p><p><a id="_GoBack" name="_GoBack"></a>
The lubricant didn't feel as
cool this time when he applied it to her, spreading a copious amount
on her. She grunted when she felt something press against her
anus again, something softer and warmer than the glass dildo. Loosened as she was, he pushed it into her more easily this time. She opened her eyes when she heard a clinking noise and felt him push
something into her vagina. "What's…" She raised
her head when she felt a second item enter her, and then a third and
a fourth. "Chakotay…"  
</p><p>
He stroked over her stomach as
he pressed the items into her. "Hush now. It's perfectly
safe. They're called orgasm balls or beads."  
</p><p>
Trusting him, and unable to
hold her head up any longer, she lay back. "So full…"  
</p><p>
He smiled as he worked. "That's exactly how you're supposed to feel…and it gets
better…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn just moaned at that,
her thoughts all over the place. She allowed her body to go
completely limp and put all her trust in him.  
</p><p>
What followed was an
experience Kathryn would never forget. All that existed was
sensations she was incapable of explaining. First the dildo in
her ass began to vibrate and pulse as Chakotay thrust it in and out
of her. His other hand splayed over her stomach, massaging her
and rolling her body. Kathryn's eyes flew open as she felt
whatever was inside her move around within her tunnel. Her
breathing grew ragged as the sensations built. </p><p>
And then he pushed the dildo
deeply into her anus, leaving it to work its own magic. Next
thing she knew, he was pressing another vibrating object against her
clit and jolts of sensation stabbed up through her. He
continued to rotate her hips, the beads inside her stimulating every
inch of her insides.  
</p><p>
Up and up she floated, nothing
existing except the approaching orgasm which promised everything. Chakotay watched her as he worked her body, waiting for the exact
moment it happened. His hand on her stomach told him so much,
feeling her muscles playing under his fingers.  
</p><p>
As it struck, he felt it and
removed his hand from her stomach. Kathryn felt it slam into
her, her body exploding. And then she screamed at the top of
her lungs as Chakotay pulled the beads from her body, each smooth and
round item popping from her opening and sending a spasm through her,
accompanying the stabbing orgasm she was already flying with.  
</p><p>
After that, Kathryn just felt
drugged. She was vaguely aware of Chakotay standing at the side
of the bed. He removed the dildo from her before pulling her to
the edge and impaling her on his newly erect shaft. He filled
her in one deep thrust, continuing the shooting spasms she was
experiencing. He rode her almost brutally for a minute before
pulling out and flipping her onto her stomach. </p><p>
Kathryn was like a rag doll in
his hands. She grunted as he pressed against her anus and
pushed in with one stroke. He gripped her hips and continued
his pace as Kathryn felt the air being pushed from her lungs. The world spun again as he once more turned her and fell over her,
entering her one last time. He slammed against her, building
her up with him. With each powerful forward thrust, he battered
against her over sensitive clit until she exploded one final time. She barely heard his shout of release and felt his warmth fill her.  
</p>
<hr/><p>
When Kathryn finally returned
to the world around her, she was lying in Chakotay's arms with her
head on his chest. </p><p>
Obviously watching her
carefully, he tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "Are you all right? Was I too rough with you? Did I
hurt you?" His face was filled with concern.  
</p><p>
Kathryn stretched and groaned,
then smiled up at him. "No. I'm fine. You were
unbelievable, in fact. Just what the doctor ordered." She settled back against him. "I think I just used some
muscles that haven't been used in a long time, if ever."  
</p><p>
Chakotay smirked at that. "Fancy a massage then?"  
</p><p>
Kathryn feigned horror. "I know where that can lead. Let me recover from this round
first." She reached up and stroked his face. "Seriously, that was amazing. And the great sex aside, I do
love you. Thank you."  
</p><p>
Chakotay pushed her hair back
from her face. "As I love you. And you were pretty
amazing yourself so thank you too." He played his fingers
over her cheek. "So, what happens now, Kathryn? Can I
be a part of your life?"  
</p><p>
She sat up and studied him. "You really want me? Still want me?"  
</p><p>
He sat up with her. "I
wouldn't have told you I loved you if I didn't. I've
loved you for so long and want nothing more than to share the rest of
my life with you."  
</p><p>
Her eyes filled with tears. "Is that a proposal?"  
</p><p>
He nodded. "Yes, it
is." He cupped her cheek. "Kathryn, come home with
me. Start a new life with me. I have a cabin outside the
city. I just bought it. It's rural but has all mod
cons. You may not like it, of course, and we could get
somewhere else…"  
</p><p>
Kathryn pressed her hand to
his lips. "If you made it a home, then I'll love it."  
</p><p>
Chakotay choked up and pulled
her to him. "I made it a house, Kathryn. You'll make
it a home. All that's missing is you."   
</p><p> THE END.</p>
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